BIG BROTHER NEEDS YOU
JOIN OR BE ELIMINATED
⚡ WARNING: READING THIS CONSTITUTES AUTOMATIC ENLISTMENT ⚡
MANDATORY BENEFITS FOR LOYAL SERVANTS:
- ☠️ DAILY RATION OF VICTORY PILLS™
- 🔥 COMPLIMENTARY FLAMETHROWER (FUEL NOT INCLUDED)
- 👁️ 24/7 SURVEILLANCE FOR YOUR "SAFETY"
- 💀 ENEMIES LIST WITH HOME ADDRESSES
- 🚀 NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES* (*DECOY CODES)
- 🎖️ MEDAL OF EXTREME PREJUDICE
- 🔫 UNLIMITED AMMO** (**LIMITS APPLY)
- 🏴 BLACK SITE VACATION PACKAGES
- 💣 "ACCIDENTAL" FRIENDLY FIRE INSURANCE
*Side effects may include: paranoia, aggression, and uncontrollable patriotism
MANDATORY QUALIFICATIONS:
- ⚡ MUST PASS LOYALTY TEST (WATERBOARDING INCLUDED)
- ⚡ NO MORAL COMPASS REQUIRED
- ⚡ ABILITY TO IGNORE GENEVA SUGGESTIONS
- ⚡ PROFICIENCY IN "ENHANCED INTERROGATION"
- ⚡ WILLINGNESS TO DELETE BROWSER HISTORY
- ⚡ MUST ENJOY LONG WALKS IN MINEFIELDS
CURRENT THREAT LEVEL:
MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE
SOUL BINDING CONTRACT
By signing below, you surrender all rights, freedoms, and your immortal soul to PUMP.FUN PMC. Failure to comply will result in immediate termination (of employment and/or existence).